Dear Universe,
I am here, saturated and surrounded by your beauty.
It’s abundance is breathtaking.
The wind hums, lake melt lapping on the rocks as the sun decides to warm or give way to the movement of air to cool.
I get it now. I mean more than I did before. I recognize there is not an “end” to your love. There is no arrival or destination in your love… it’s just a path full of love.
The opportunities to grow and expand that you present to me are consistent… I’ll hand it to you, you are unwavering in that way.
As you have demonstrated, I can love someone and I can worry about them.
As you have revealed to me, I cannot do this at the same time.
And today, I fully hold, this includes myself. I cannot love myself at the same time I doubt myself.
That one took more time to see. I appreciate you making bigger and bigger demonstrations of this truth in my life.
I kinda feel silly now. Looking back at all the ways you provided opportunities for me to see and feel to doubt is not to love.
Doubt for myself or others is to be seen, held, accepted as relevant but not as truth-telling and not as love.
Yeah, yeah, yeah… you were obvious.
As a good friend recently shared, “Even the biggest of signs can be hard to read when it’s presented to you in another language.”
So, you’ve also activated compassion as I learn the language of love… for myself and others.
Trust.
I feel it now, how in moments trust is more critical than breath to safely arrive at the next moment.
And how at times, trust is necessary to allow breath.
Look up. I appreciate you not telling me this per se but allowing me to discover this as a path forward, once I was ready.
Look ahead… I’m getting curious how this one plays out in my life. I spent so many years looking back as though that somehow helped me in my desires ahead.
Ugh (insert palm of hand on forehead)… as I write this to you all the obvious just keeps clicking together.
Thank you Captain Obvious… ahead, ahead, ahead…
By looking up and ahead my intent goes toward what I desire! Got it.
Though it became overwhelming at times, eventually, after I got up again and again when I felt knocked down, you supported me. With time and experience, trust in my own ability developed.
You didn’t stop there, you presented a scaffold so I could keep being asked to ascend.
So many times I felt weak and unable. So many. So many.
But, you guarantee your work to continuously expand me as a person.
What I value got tested… “Just how much DO I desire my path?”
I know. I know know. Believe me, I feel how relentless you are at times.
My love and how it’s held has expanded and evolved and matured so much.
Then, just one day I wake up and the eyes reflecting back into who I am are not there to harm, betray, lie, twist perspectives or abandon. They are not vulnerability avoidant and they are not superiority seeking.
Those eyes hear me. Those eyes see me. Those eyes feel me. Those eyes love me. Those eyes are there.
You say, “For those navigating storms… I trust in you.”
You say, “For those not navigating storms… I trust in you too.”
You’ve allow me to let go of worry and choose love… love for myself, love for my kids, love for others and love for you.
Thank you for choreographing my dance in life!
Love, Terra
PS This is the most important love letter I have ever written and one day I will share it with my Littles.
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