November is National Diabetes Month, a time when communities across the country team up to bring attention to diabetes.
November also tends to be a time people across the country bring attention to aspects of their life they feel gratitude toward as we approach Thanksgiving.
I have lived with type 1 diabetes since 1990 and this month I am going to share daily aspects of the gratitude I have for living with diabetes.
For more years than I care to admit, the first thing I would do when my eyes opened was check my glucose levels. If the value fell within target a sense of well-being consumed me. I felt vital and replenished beyond my waking sense. Extra sprinkles were added if my nightly trend dominated hours inside those shaded lines of the target zone.
If the value of my glucose level fell outside this target zone I would instantly become my own cheerleader of defense. I’d quickly justify my ok-ness despite the value being outside the “ok-ness” target. My self-talk tracks included:
“It was a high protein dinner last night.”
“Well, it is better you didn’t go low.”
“The sauce on that chicken had way more fat than it appeared.”
Over the years of living with diabetes, the shame, blame and guilt around my morning glucose levels lightened but judgment remained.
It went like this… eyes open, grab the sensor reading and voila, how I felt about my health was determined by a value to begin my day.
Society, culture, my healthcare team, and myself fell into the belief my glucose levels determined my ability to feel health.
Most will want to argue or debate or contemplate that last sentence.
Many people living with diabetes believe their glucose level determines their ability to feel health, to feel ok, to feel loved, to feel worthy, to feel valued, to feel relevant.
Many people believe their weight on a scale determines their ability to feel health, to feel ok, to feel loved, to feel worthy, to feel belief, to feel relevant.
Many people believe the food on their plate determines their ability to feel health, to feel ok, to feel loved, to feel worthy, to feel belief, to feel relevant.
The more conditions you have practiced to determine your ability to feel ok, the more foreign my statement will land… regardless here it is:
No glucose value, no scale value, no food item, no girlfriend, no boyfriend, no husband, no wife, no weather, no job, no disease, no value of money in your bank account, NONE of it has the ability to tell you how you feel unless, you allow it.
Diabetes and the copious amount of data to look at (glucose, insulin doses, bolus timing, carbohydrates, HbA1C, time in target, etc) is A LOT. Each person living with diabetes has almost unlimited opportunities to practice frequent, subtle acts of self-depreciation.
Slowly, over time, I unfolded this conditioning to begin my day from a place of spirituality, which I define as self-love.
Slowly, over time, I came to realize, as a person living with diabetes I have almost unlimited opportunities to practice frequent, subtle acts of self-love.
Slowly, over time, my intuitive sense of well-being became the dominant voice I tuned into.
When I look to my glucose levels, it is the same as looking at my gas tank on my car, it is information only.
It is information only.
Who I am, my worthiness, my ability to love and be loved, my values, my philosophy, my well-being on life is not determined by that value.
It is information only.
Numerous times a week when I wake, I seek to experience the sun rising in nature. I reflect on moments I felt present in my higher self, self-actualized, aligned and in-tune with my essence. I might cycle through my 5 senses in that moment to feel well-being consume the cells of my body. A somatic overhaul in an instant.
Currently, in my morning practice to begin the day, I am expanding into vacating/unlocking/clearing/opening chakras from my root to my third eye with a breathing session.
Diabetes brought awareness to why I begin each day and diabetes is a fabulous reminder it is not there to determine my well-being, I am.
Thank you DIABETES!
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